Paleo Pause

Last week Max had a 24 hour tummy  bug and I stormed it like a champ. I actually even enjoyed some of it, he just wanted to cuddle and it brought me back to the baby days. Even though he asked me to not put this picture on Facebook, I’m keeping it here for the future. Sorry Max. Maybe you should have put your toys away more often.

20160203_134315 - Copy

Now let me show you something else which falls in the category of, “Enjoy it now, you ain’t gettin’ that again for a long time, girl.” 

Carnitas. Beans and rice. So. Much. Cheese.

20160110_165449 - Copy

Not too long after this Mexican date night I found out a lil somethin’ about my cholesterol. Sorry, I won’t go on with that lie. I didn’t date a new Mexican man. Same white as ever husband, he’s a good catch.  After that date, as I was saying, I discovered that since leaning Paleo (for the past three years), my good cholesterol has increased. 

And. Uh…

My bad cholesterol skyrocketed too. Like, er….50 points. 

And also, I have something called a pre-ulcer. 

For the next three months, until my follow up blood test, I am…I am…I am…a gluten-free vegan. A gluten-free vegan who can’t have coffee, tea, alcohol or spicy foods. I am so freakin’ serious right now. 

12093771_184751575190656_853070986_n

12545241_820125498111009_391882835_n

So, in true vegan fashion, I expect everyone else to go vegan too. Go toss your honey and leather belts

Kidding! Don’t send me Anthrax!

One of my first culinary vegan adventures was trying to make something called, brace yo’ self…Mushroom Bacon. I’m just gonna come right out and tell you that those little slices of brown fungi tasted exactly like bacon. They tasted JUST like bacon would taste to someone who has been a vegan from birth and had no actual idea how good the real stuff tastes. Sure, it was kinda good, but if someone tried to tell me I was eating bacon and served me these mushrooms, I’d slap their pretty little stupid face and walk out the door. 

20160202_192202

I’m not even going to give you the recipe, because…just don’t. Instead, you can head over to Clean Food Crush to find this fun pasta-less pasta salad with zucchini noodles and artichoke hearts. Because hey, summer is only four months away and you know it takes you that long to actually try a new recipe. 

20160206_185723 - Copy

Feeling guilty over creating a blog post with no actual recipe, I decided to offer you a Pinterest worthy image. I challenge you to put it on your Facebook page, make it your Twitter profile picture, share it like crazy. When people ask you what it means or tell you that they don’t get it, act bewildered. 

“You don’t get it? Read it again. Seriously, BE THE BENCH.”

Never let on to the fact that you too, have no clue what it means. 

be betterto yourself

Now that I am totally in love with Zumba, I need to buy some special shoes. I mean “special” in all the ways you can take it, too. Zumba requires a dance shoe with the support of a fitness sneaker. Hence, this is what I get to choose from…

3e56d0f0514b9851121086595c3304ed

Aren’t these just the stupidest things you can imagine? They look like shoes that were not taken off the conveyor belt during an earthquake in the factory. My knees hurt though and I can’t handle one more thing that reminds me I am inching towards 40. (In 2017)

Zumba is fantastic. There are just so many women in the classes I go to that just do not give the ass of a rat. Rhythm? Meh, who needs it? Coordination? None here! There’s an elderly woman who literally just stops and talks to another woman and checks her phone while the music blares. There are three women who love to grace the front row and dance until they come down from their cocaine highs. These women aren’t always in the same class at the same time. They are all well, WELL over fifty and will slap a ho if she were to try to interrupt their wild Zumba time. WOOOOO! 

Never tried Zumba? Wait until everone has left the house and give this a go!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Recipe Shared 168.3K+ Times

No joke here! As of today this silly little dip has made its way to over 168,300 people on Pinterest alone. I’m sure Hawaiian people would be more than happy to knock a coconut over my head for calling this seriously mainland style dip Hawaiian.

One can dream of vacation destinations in one’s own way. Like you, North Dakota people, if you want to make a recipe covered in ahi tuna and kale then call it Californian, you go for it. You’d also kinda nail it, but that doesn’t matter. 

We all dream of warm vacation destinations in our own way. 

OrCFMaf

Short post for the day, just wanted to start talking movies again. The host of depressing, oppressive and lonely movies of the Oscars are almost here, as are the Oscar food posts!

3747263

Ooh, one more thing. 

My 2016 goal is to create a dip that will blow Hawaiian Dip out of the Pinterest water. Are we connected over on Pinterest? 

Follow Kim’s board food on Pinterest.

NOW, back to 2012, minus Gangnam Style

This week will bring lots of movie related posts as the Academy Awards are almost here (Sunday)! Have you seen The Descendants? Yeah, neither has Mr. Movie Fuel, so there won’t be much movie discussion other than what I am about to add. This movie is not meant for Girl’s Night Out. I think the word has gotten out that this movie isn’t just about George Clooney on a beach. It’s a heavy drama with doses of comedy sprinkled in.

If The Descendants is bound to win an Oscar, as many people predict, we might as well have some celebratory food on hand! Movie Fuel will be here on Thursday for our pre-Oscar predictions and some more party food. It’s too bad he isn’t here this morning, we have a super addictive and delicious dip on the table. I hope my kids gobble most of it, because I can’t be trusted around this Hawaiian inspired dip!

This dip could NOT be easier to make!

Hawaiian Dip
Write a review
Print
Ingredients
  1. 8 oz. cream cheese softened
  2. 2 1/2 cups sweetened coconut (I prefer flaked over shredded)
  3. 20 oz. can pineapple (chunks or crushed)
  4. nuts or cherries to top dip with
Instructions
  1. Blend all ingredients together in food processor to crush up pineapple and coconut pieces. Refrigerate at least 30 minutes before serving. I think it tastes great with Trader Joe’s Pita Crackers, but I am sure there are plenty of dipping options you can find!
food it forward http://fooditforward.com/
Jy and I are hoping to get out to see the Oscar nominated short films this Saturday. Cross your fingers we can get out to go, it is always such a fun tradition that has gotten harder to keep up with after having kids. Are you watching the awards this Sunday night? Are you going to be happy when I quit talking about the Oscars and movie themed food? Hope not!

See you tomorrow, Happy Tuesday friends!

Kitchen Lab: Burro Bananas

I better hurry up and write this, I have three hours left to buy my Powerball ticket. Right now, the jackpot is $900 million, which totally stresses me out. It’s the same feeling I get when I am one BINGO number away from winning, I want it but just can’t handle that much adrenaline. Which is why I am the BEST person to take on an adventurous weekend of zip-lining and parasailing (I’ll hold your stuff.)

memec56f7fa86769de6c

The other pressure I’m facing is that my brother said he will buy us a new house if he wins the lottery. Sounds nice right, but there’s a catch. He said I have to give up my Hippie ways, which is so hard because I have NO hippy ways! I wear a bra, I’m not into drugs and I super, like SUPER hate tie-dye. My essential oil love is new enough to post date his hippie comments. So, what is it? I love organic, so that could be it. Anyway, pray for me, I have a tough road to a new home ahead. 

9cc389a2707f99929f88b826f49a6b0665c5150515ba6ce6133acc739cabc41c

I am also really worried about becoming super oil annoying. This stuff is awesome and I can’t stop. Before I chose doTERRA, I read through different reviews and watched plenty of videos, trying to find the BEST oil. Then I just chose, not based on anything overwhelming, I just freaking chose. There is a bit by Aziz Ansari where he talks about extensive google research before buying a toothbrush. Why do we do this? By happy accident I found out I chose the better company (go here if you want to see why I believe this!) Aren’t you just kind of OVER all this decision fatigue? Back to Aziz…

Master of None is Aziz Ansari’s straight to Netflix series and it’s worth the watch. One of us (not me) lost our cable remote and rather than driving to the AT&T store, we’ve come up with ALLLL kinds of channel changing solutions. Mostly, we just hit the Netflix button on our other remote. 

My other Netlix love of 2015 was The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

If you’ve seen both and need more comedy, watch the newest John Mulaney special. 

If you are seriously behind in your comedy world and you truly love comedians who suffer from a case of trucker mouth, oh…are you in for a treat. This clip is not safe for kids, work, church or around your Mormon friends. Take off your mascara girl, you gonna cry. 

Where can I go from there? Burro bananas is the only true conclusion. 

kitchen lab (2)

 

DSCN0448Near the plantains, you’ll either find Burros or mini bananas. Burros are chubby, short little minions and they are great for frying. My kids were all over these! Honestly, I didn’t notice too much difference between Burros and plantains, so I’d grab whatever the grocery store has and it is usually one or the other. Just be sure to choose very dark, almost black plantains if that is the direction you choose. Burros can be a deep yellow, just avoid the green. 

Burro Fries
Write a review
Print
Ingredients
  1. Burro Bananas
  2. Coconut Oil
  3. Coconut Sugar
  4. Cinnamon
Instructions
  1. Open bananas with a knife and peel away skin. Slice burros in half lengthwise and fry in enough coconut oil to cover about 1/2 inch of the bananas. Fry each side for 3-5 minutes. Remove bananas from pan and let oil drain on a plate covered by paper towels. Shake coconut sugar and cinnamon over immediately. Let cool and enjoy.
food it forward http://fooditforward.com/
  If I DO end up winning the Powerball, I promise to continue blogging. All the food will be made by my home chef, so things might change up a bit. This is bringing back the idea of a sister wife, I almost forgot. I had things really worked out too. If I can recruit a couple of sister wives who are undercover lesbians and in the Witness Protection Program or something, so they need to hide out, things will go just perfect! I can keep Jy to myself and my sister wives will help with so many chores. Remind me about this later, ok? Good luck friends!

Kitchen Lab: Turmeric Smoothie

It has been about two years since I realized TUR-mur-ic is not pronounced TOO-mur-ic. Which reminds me of one of my favorite comedy bits of 2015.  Worth every second of your time, I swear.

Speaking of every second of your time, did you (or do you) watch The Walking Dead? My husband has been binge watching every night. We have a huge tv (if you asked my ten year-old self, regular sized if you ask my 38 year-old self) and this tv is smack to the left of our table where I blog and do serious work on Twitter and even more serious work playing Best Fiends.  

Each night he watches, I have to arrange the left side of my hair to stick out from my giant headphones in just the perfect way, to prevent my eyes from any zombie carnage and ears from hearing brain crunching. I can’t handle that stuff. But, TWD is also a drama. Did you know this? So, I can’t help but occasionally hear something compelling or peek at a longing glance someone is giving. 

Well, two nights ago I got a little cocky with my peeking and saw the thing which I had been avoiding all along. A gang of zombies started pulling apart a lone man, with their zombie teeth! I’m not sure if I saw an eye being pulled out, but I think I did. This mans face was stretched and pulled and GAAAH! It looked like silly putty. 

There was really no point to that story except to recruit others into my gang of scared people. If a zombie apocalypse really does begin, don’t look for me. I can’t handle that kind of pressure, I get nervous during a game of tag. I always answer the question of “How long will you last the zombie apocalypse?” with this scenario…

Me: “Uh oh, looks like zom…” 

For those of you who DO want to survive the zombie invasion, ready yourself now with this next ingredient in the Kitchen Lab Series, Turmeric!

Turmeric_Infographic_26-04-2013

Go check out p.s. it’s healthy, what a great site!

I know the infographic tells me to pickle it, but uh, that ain’t happening. My friend Kirsten has shared this butt kicking bowl of Turmeric soup with coconut milk and shrimp, perfect for this time of year. I’ll have to ask her for it and share with you. 

While I don’t super love drinking smoothies in the winter, I’m adding this one to my regular rotation. A local vegan cafe calls it something like The Golden Warrior Monkey, which I don’t know how I feel about. There is much about a monkey that I find appetizing. Maybe a Golden State Warrior smoothie, unless I get sued, then I won’t call it that either. For now, I give you…Turmeric Smoothie. 

20160104_092627

Turmeric Smoothie
Write a review
Print
Ingredients
  1. 2 very ripe bananas (frozen)
  2. 1/2 c. coconut milk (canned preferably)
  3. 1 T. Turmeric
  4. 1 T. coconut sugar (can omit if bananas are ripe enough)
  5. 1 t. ground cardamom
Instructions
  1. Stick it all in the most powerful blender you've got! Careful with the cardamom, it's powerful!
food it forward http://fooditforward.com/

Join me on Instagram, it’s where I have the most fun, see my screenshot? Where else can you see Bill Nye the Science Guy’s legs?

Screenshot_2016-01-04-14-47-11

Happy January my friends, stay healthy and watch out for zombies. 

 

 

 

Kitchen Lab: Superfood Pudding

Helloooo. It’s me. I was wondering if after all these months you’d like to meet. th

To go over…everything. 

They say you can’t talk to dead people

But I disagree. 


long-island-medium-meme-generator-hello-from-the-other-side-long-island-medium-helps-me-rhyme-6e4235

 

Turns out, I do not actually have a future in song writing, who knew? I’ve missed you! You don’t have to say that you’ve missed me, I don’t want to make it awkward. 

Before we go on though, I have to cut straight to the chase. We are all going to die. I learned this today at the Chabot Science and Space Center in Oakland. So, get this…there’s this other galaxy that is scheduled to smack into us. 

th (1)

I know, right!? Oh, you don’t believe me? Here’s some solid proof:

maca2

When I go to church on Sunday, I have some serious questions. Who else knows about this? Is this what they talk about in The Andromeda Strain movie? 

Here’s a little more that I learned about space today: 

Space is scary. I don’t really remember all the reasons why, but it just seems awful. I’m glad it’s there and everything, but space just makes us seem so…little. Also, aliens would be horrible, so there’s that.

There are two jobs that I would rather die before having to carry out. First, Astronaut, which doesn’t have to be capitalized, but it seems rude not to. Second, person who works at one of the scary Halloween haunted campouts, like the one in L.A., with the slogan “Only the dawning will save you.” Google “Great Horror Campout” it’s almost as scary as floating alone through space. Total toss-up. 

Let’s talk about some fun stuff instead! Like Maca (rhymes with…um…,nevermind).

maca

Have you tried it? Maca gives you energy without the shaky anxiety coffee can give. It’s great for mood balance and full of vitamins B,C and E. I’m just at the beginning phases of testing out this energy giving powder, but love it in smoothie bowls so far!

maca3

So, what do I do when I want to get to know a food? Google it, Pinterest it, ask friends about it? Yes, yes and yes. Doesn’t mean you have to! Hence, the new Food It Forward series, Kitchen Lab! I’ll be testing, trying, creating and giving you some ways of trying out new foods or maybe even traditional ingredients cooked in a new way. 

kitchen lab (2)

Up first, Maca!

This is a super easy way to give maca a try. While you may be tempted to judge Superfood Pudding by it’s chunky and clunky look, I dare you to look a little deeper. This recipe is a serious potassium and vitamin B bomb, while tasting as deeply satisfying as any dessert can taste. While it’s easy to eat alone, can I suggest you split this? I’m a little sorry I ate the whole thing. Yes, it’s all raw food and made of simple natural ingredients, it’s also packed with enough energy to stop sleep from happening. 

I’m starting Kitchen Lab off with some extra weird ingredients for most people. It’s doubtful that you’ll be able to pop into your neighbor’s house and ask for a couple teaspoons of hemp seeds or cocoa nibs. Once you have these ingredients in your fridge however, you might be surprised just how versatile and helpful they are!

superfoodpudding

Superfood Cocoa Pudding
Write a review
Print
Ingredients
  1. 2 ripe bananas
  2. 2 t. maca powder
  3. 2 t. hemp seeds
  4. 2 t. cocoa nibs
  5. 1 T. maple syrup
  6. 2 T. crushed cashews
  7. 1 T. cocoa powder
Instructions
  1. Starting with the bananas, blend all ingredients together. Immersion blenders work best!
food it forward http://fooditforward.com/
So, welcome back and thanks for joining me in the first Kitchen Lab post! Take a look around the blog, lots has changed. There’s a nice long rabbit trail you can follow to learn about my newest passion of wellness using doTERRA essential oils. Leave a comment below if you have any Kitchen Lab suggestions, or just want to say hi!

Here’s to a healthy and happy 2016! – Kim