Mint Coleslaw and THE Yoga Nightmare

Happy Star Wars Day, friends!

clone-meme

 I should probably start by telling you all how rich I am. I won big yesterday at a Kentucky Derby party. Like, take your whole family to Starbucks big. $22 after betting on Danza, who came in 3rd place and two winning rounds of wind up horse races. Needless to say, I’m feeling pre-hetty good about my finances today!

How things have changed since Thursday! This was the night when the unthinkable happened. Let’s walk through it together. Here’s an ideal yoga class (below), lots of space between mats, beautiful light, live dj, best teacher ever…all things good. Now, lets try another scenario.

yoga

Dim lights, still great music, still best teacher ever, but now the heater is cranked to 90 degrees after an actual 90 degree day. Every time you drop your head down to your feet, which is every 30 seconds or so, you are blinded by your own sweat. This time, mats are just six inches apart. No time to think, just keep pushing on. You have almost made it to the end of a tough class, you can taste the end nearing, you can smell it. Wait, Oh My God, Oh My God, that’s not what you are smelling. What you are smelling is the 90 pound girl bending over in front of you. We are all turned sideways on our mats to save space, still just inches apart. Miss little thang in front of you is posed just like this:

wide-leg-forward-bend-pose

I lifted my head to change positions and deepen my stretch, instead, I experienced what no human should ever have to, a funked up smell and a little puff of air in my face. All her cute little yoga gear couldn’t hold in what she felt like sharing. The rest of the class I alternated between breathing only out of my mouth and holding in my laughter. Talk about feeling violated. 

You know what, though? This whole week has been strange. We had a few health scares at home, which turned out to be nothing major. We’ve also done what I would have never expected, we’ve fallen in love with our new family Chiropractor. Think what you will about Chiros, but this guy has total Jedi powers. We all feel better and you can’t trick a three year old into behaving better, there’s no power of suggestion at play in his brain, he’s acting totally different. 

 essence_zombies_need_chiropractors_too

On the subject of kids, the little guys at preschool have full blown spring fever. I wish I could record everything they say, it’s just too much. The things they say just aren’t heard in any other arena. Picture yourself at your work place or at a volunteer meeting or some other place where adults gather. Have you ever, EVER, heard another human say any of the following:

1. No, don’t! Stop looking at my poo!

2. My Daddy stands up to pee and he tells me to don’t look at his pee. 

3. If you touch that, you’ll get dead.

4. Look at my butt! Look at it! Look at it! Look at my butt!

5. When asked what students loved about their moms, I heard these replies: 

  •  Nothing. I don’t love her.
  •  Lollipops.
  • She drives and her likes food. 

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 It’s like working around short, amateur comedians! They also whine and tattle a lot, but it’s cool. It totally justifies trying out fun cocktails on the weekend. This was an attempt at whipped cream flavored vodka mixed with black cherry soda, topped with whipped cream. It’s looks prettier than it tastes, hence the teeny photo. Not a recipe to share!

 black cherry whipped cream drink

 Before I do share my newest recipe, I need to be sure to wish my sweet boy a very happy year as a seven-year-old. I always worry about not having my scrapbooks up to date and not having special letters written to the boys, in case something ever happens to me (which it won’t, so calm down, mother). Then I remember that I have a blog! If they want to know how much I love them, they can scroll through all my social media. Except for Twitter, because I actually use that for adult commentary. So boys, don’t read Mommy’s Twitter feed, m’kay? Between Instagram, Facebook and this blog, they’ll have plenty of opportunities to hear my voice. I love you Dallas, you are so kind and loving and wonderful. Here’s the only picture from your birthday with Mommy actually looking at the camera, face bloated from post-Easter sugar. You and Max only really care about the cake in front of you. Eh, whaddaya gonna do?

Dallas bday

  Now for the food! I brought this to the Kentucky Derby party and thought it would be good enough to share with you. It’s an easy coleslaw that would work well for any warm weather potluck. I found all the ingredients at the farmer’s market and made my own mayo, which you totally don’t have to, using the Nom Nom Paleo recipe. However, I’d suggest you try it. It was easier than driving to the store for a jar of not-so-fresh mayonnaise and way tastier. 

coleslaw

Mint Coleslaw
Serves 6
Fresh coleslaw with mint and garlic, not too sweet and perfect for warm weather.
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Prep Time
15 min
Cook Time
30 min
Total Time
45 min
Prep Time
15 min
Cook Time
30 min
Total Time
45 min
Ingredients
  1. Small head of cabbage (1 to 1 ½ pounds), finely shredded
  2. 2 medium carrots, finely shredded
  3. 1/2 medium onion, finely shredded
  4. About 1/3 cup white wine or cider vinegar
  5. Salt and freshly ground black pepper, to taste
  6. 2 to 3 tightly packed tablespoons of fresh spearmint leaves
  7. 1 to 2 large garlic cloves
  8. 3 tablespoons white balsamic vinegar, or 3 tablespoons cider vinegar and 1 tablespoon or more of sugar
  9. 1/3 cup mayonnaise, or to taste
Instructions
  1. In a large bowl, combine the shredded cabbage, carrots, onions, the vinegar and salt and pepper to taste. Let stand 30 minutes. Then squeeze out most of the slaw's moisture into its bowl and put the squeezed portions in another bowl. Add about 1/4 cup of the liquid back to the slaw.
  2. In a food processor or by hand, mince together the mint and garlic (add the next amount of vinegar if using the processor). Turn it into the slaw along with the second quantity of vinegar if it is not already in the mixture. Toss together everything so it's thoroughly blended, then stir in the mayonnaise. Taste for enough sweet/tart balance (it should be subtle), enough mayonnaise, and for salt and pepper.
  3. Refrigerate the slaw for anywhere from 3 hours to several days. It's best the first day when the fresh mint flavor blossoms up.
http://fooditforward.com/
 Enjoy the rest of your Sunday, folks. Drop it like it’s hot. Unless it’s a pan of something hot, then don’t drop it, it will probably ruin it.

 

Rich People Corn and Bulletproof Coffee

Alright my pals, hop in a cab with a stinky driver and head yourself straight for Philadelphia to Bel Air. This is corn for rich people. It doesn’t cost a lot to make, it just tastes so friggin’ fancy.

rich

Whether you begin with prepackaged ears or un-shucked corn, these kernels will turn out gorgeous. Fah-bulous. Uh-mazing. Feel free to use any form of Real Housewife adjective to describe. Oh, and I’m talking Orange County or Beverly Hills, not the other chicks.

After snapping a few photos, I gnawed through two of these babies. No napkin, no plate. Just me and some slathery goodness.

You’ll want to give this a try early on in the grilling season, that way there will be an easy go-to side dish for your summer get-togethers!

Spell check is NOT feeling me right now. I guess I make up too many words. 

Basil Corn

 

Corn was the main dish tonight, as we are still having a bit of a camping hangover. Dirt seems to be permanently crusted into my boys’ nails and bug bites are still appearing. While we all had a great time, I have decided that any and all future camping trips will involve flushable toilets. I’m a bit of a Real Housewife myself. When you become as classy and refined as I have, you get hooked on flushing.

This was my first camping trip since kids, it’s been seven years and I was brought right back to the good old days. Good old days, by the way, is Latin for “The outings in which my husband accidentally tips the boat/wave-runner/kayak, tossing me into the lake or river.”  It is also roughly translated in Pig Latin to, “I can’t stop myself from getting sick over too many s’mores. I’m 36 with no mallow/choco/graham control.”

Rich People Corn
 
Prep time
Cook time
Total time
 
Grill corn for 20 minutes on medium high, rotating every five. Lightly brush with butter if desired.
Author:
Recipe type: Vegetable
Cuisine: Grilling
Serves: 8
Ingredients
  • 8 Corn ears
  • 4 T. grass-fed butter
  • 6 basil leaves
  • 1 large lemon
  • ½ cup parmesan cheese, plus more for garnishing
  • salt
  • pepper
Instructions
  1. Blend butter, basil, the juice of the lemon and cheese in a food processor. Slather over hot corn before seasoning with salt, pepper and extra cheese. Get napkins!
 

If you find yourself with some left over butter, let me tell you what you won’t want to make, Bulletproof Coffee.

Bulletproof Coffee is the creation of The Bulletproof Executive and Biohacker, Dave Asprey. Before you head over to his site, I have to let you know that I absolutely love his podcast. You can find it on iTunes and it’s nothing less than riveting. Fat Burning Man is another awesome podcast. I’d totally suggest you add Abel James to your iPod, whether or not you are a Paleo fan. He’s really interesting and inspirational!

However, Bulletproof’s coffee is so, so very nasty.  Not his beans, I’m sure they make a good cuppa. I’m talking about the fat burning, mind building recipe of grass-fed butter, coconut oil and coffee. I seriously get sick from the taste of coconut oil, and I’ve been wondering if my jar has gone bad. So, I nearly died after trying it in my coffee!

Granted, Bulletproof suggests you buy their MCT (Medium Chain Triglycerides) oil, which is made from coconut and palm oil, but does not have a coconut taste.

So, I tried the coffee again, with only butter. GAG!

To make Bulletproof Coffee, you blend freshly pressed coffee and let the heat melt the butter and dissolve the oil. I have heard people are in LOVE with Bulletproof Coffee. It just ain’t for me. My high hopes were squashed! At least we will always have this photo…

coffee

 

 

Review: Clean Eating’s Hot & Sour Swiss Chard

Most of the time, when anyone suggests a recipe for greens, it includes bacon. It’s pretty hard to feel like you are getting healthy and doing the right thing and loading up on dark green vegetables, when they are soaked in pig grease!

I’ve been bonkers over kale lately, sauteing it with some garlic, olive oil and salt and topping with chicken and balsamic vinegar. I’ve tried to branch out by eating the type of greens I never bring home, chard. It is no longer super important to me to spend the least amount of money on greens possible. I’d much rather buy pre-cut and pre-washed and spend an extra buck or so. My greens are always washed at home too, I’ve seen too many a bug to be comfortable eating straight from the bag.

I found this recipe by simply Googling the term, “Clean Eating chard” and luckily, the dish came out tasting better than I thought it would!

This is super easy to make, you basically saute your chard while you whisk together a sauce. The sauce will need about a minute on the stove and voila! I substituted agave nectar instead of the honey, but it’s up to you how to sweeten. I know the chard in this photo looks greasy, but it’s not. The sauce is mostly apple cider vinegar and tomato paste with honey (or agave). Totally fast and totally healthy. Hurray for bacon-less greens!

Ok, time to go hit the elliptical. All this exercising and eating (6 times a day) has left me less time for blogging. But don’t think I forgot about you. Pretend like I’m your boyfriend away at summer camp. I write when I can, but you are always on my mind! (And I’m totally sweaty all the time now).

 

Rachael Ray’s Sweet & Savory Spaghetti Squash

 I spotted this recipe in the current issue of Everyday with Rachael Ray and thought I’d give it a go. It looks so cheesy and fall like!  Tonight, Jy asked if he could help with dinner. Why yes dear, in fact…you can do it! I handed over the recipe and off he went. The recipe below isn’t Rachael’s exact, but what we did. I read it wrong and had my husband use 8 instead of 6 tablespoons of butter. Uh, calling Paula?

We didn’t have any stock on hand, so we went with water, which in retrospect was not the greatest idea.

Recipe Review: Rachael Ray's Sweet & Savory Spaghetti Squash
 
Prep time
Cook time
Total time
 
Author:
Recipe type: Vegetables
Serves: 4
Ingredients
  • arge (4 lb.) spaghetti squash, halved lengthwise and seeded
  • 2 tbsp. brown sugar
  • 8 tbsp. butter
  • ¼ tsp. ground cinnamon
  • Salt and pepper
  • ¼ cup grated parmesan cheese
  • 2 cups water
  • 1 tsp. honey
  • 1 tsp. Italian seasoning
Instructions
  1. In 1 squash half, combine brown sugar, 3 tbsp. butter, cinnamon, salt and pepper. In other half, combine 2 tbsp. cheese, 3 tbsp. butter, salt and pepper.
  2. Place both in 9-by-13- inch baking dish and add broth.
  3. Cover with foil and bake at 450° until tender, 50 minutes.
  4. Scrape into strands (still in the shell).
  5. Drizzle sweet with honey, and savory with italian seasoning and remaining cheese.
I didn’t want to push our oven past its limit, so I instructed Jy to roast the squash at 400 rather than 450. I left for a walk (hard night for me, huh?) and forgot to tell him that we’d need to cook the dish longer to compensate. Between the missing stock and the slightly crispy noodles that needed more roasting, this wasn’t the best dish ever.

On the bright side, my kids were all about this dinner. In fairness, Dallas ate a little and was too frustrated at the noodles falling into his lap, so he opted for the peas that I served on the side. He stuck both hands in the large serving dish of peas and announced that he would be eating the whole bowl. One second before I almost freaked out on him for eating like a caveman (well, not really, cave folk didn’t have Tupperware), I stopped. My kid wants to eat a bowl of peas. Green light!

Have you tried Spaghetti Squash? It is so fun, versatile and kids love it. As you can probably figure, I loved the savory and Dallas loved the sweet. Jy and Max just loved that there was something made for dinner.